I feel like an exhibitionist. Not that there’s anything remotely sexual about writing my thoughts on my tumblr, but … it’s on the internet. Once it’s there, no matter how many times I press delete, the imprint will still last. Also, why am I making this public? Granted, I doubt many people will see this. I’ll probably look back at this a week from now and think “Crap. Why did you write this. The writing sucks. People can read this. What are you doing?” What am I doing? If I really just wanted an outlet for my thoughts, I could have opened up a Microsoft Word Document and typed out a little electronic diary entry. But I’m not doing that; I’m posting it on tumblr instead. Also, I should be doing harmony studying right now. It’s sad that something so trivial is making me go insane. I’ve had more mental breakdowns this past month than I have in the last year. But I’m blaming that on lack of sleep (I NEED 10 HOURSSSS). Things are going fairly well minus the whole harmony thing. And hey, as long as I get my lazy ass up I know I’m capable of doing good in that too. And then it goes back to: What am I doing? Why am I writing this? PEOPLE CAN SEE THIS. Do I want people to see it? I guess I do, since I’m putting it on tumblr. Yet I don’t think I’ll want them to talk to me about it if they do see it. So what the hell do I want? WHY DO I ALWAYS CREATE PROBLEMS FOR MYSELF. I NEED TO STOP. ALL OR NOTHING NEEDS TO STOP. You’re a catalyst. The butterfly in effect. I wish you’d disappear. I wish you’d stay. I WISH I’D STOP BEING SUCH A TEENAGE DRAMA QUEEN. My intelligence is decaying. How tragic.
YOU MAKE ME IRRATIONALLY ANGRY. YOU MAKE ME IRRATIONALLY SAD. YOU MAKE ME IRRATIONALLY HAPPY. YOU MAKE ME IRRATIONAL. PLEASE STOP.
On Friday:Okay, you have a lot of homework to do this weekend so you'd better split it up evenly each day. That way you'll get the hard stuff out of the way and you'll be able to relax on Sunday and not worry too much about the coming week. It's really important that you do this stuff and not fuck around, just sit down and power through it. It's going to work out really well and you'll feel really accomplished and you should just really take initiative because honestly if you don't you're going to get super overwhelmed and then you'll end up stressing on Sunday night and not getting any sleep and then you'll be tired during school and it really is just a vicious circle so, come on, you got this, you can do this.